Choosing Peace Over Favoritism in the Operating Room

The operating room (OR) is a place where teamwork, trust, and professionalism should always come first. Every member of the surgical team has an important role, and everyone deserves to feel respected and valued.

But sometimes, the reality is different.

Favoritism can happen in any workplace, including the operating room. Some people seem to receive better opportunities, more recognition, or more support than others. Meanwhile, those who work just as hard may feel overlooked.

As nurses, we already deal with enough pressure during our shifts. We shouldn’t have to carry the additional stress of feeling that we aren’t being treated fairly.

If you’ve ever felt ignored, left out, or frustrated because of favouritism at work, this post is for you.

Let’s talk about how to protect your peace without losing your confidence, professionalism, or passion for nursing.

What Is OR Favoritism?

Favoritism in the operating room happens when certain staff members receive preferential treatment based on personal relationships or preferences rather than their skills, experience, or performance.

Sometimes, it’s obvious. Other times, it’s subtle.

You might notice:

• The same people are regularly given preferred shifts or surgical cases.
• Certain staff members are offered more training or learning opportunities.
• Some colleagues receive praise for things that others do without recognition.
• Small groups or cliques make others feel excluded.
• Opportunities for career progression don’t seem equally available.
• Mistakes are handled differently depending on who makes them.

Of course, not every difference in case allocation or responsibilities is favouritism. Experience, competencies, patient safety, and staffing needs also influence decisions.

But when unfair treatment becomes a repeated pattern, it can affect the whole team.

And sometimes, what hurts most isn’t missing out on an opportunity.

It’s feeling that your effort doesn’t matter.

The Emotional Impact of OR Favoritism

Working in the operating room can already be physically and mentally exhausting.

There are long procedures, demanding shifts, emergencies, and the constant responsibility of keeping patients safe.

When favoritism becomes part of the workplace culture, it adds another layer of stress.

You might start asking yourself:

Am I not good enough?

Why do they always choose someone else?

Am I doing something wrong?

Why do I have to work twice as hard just to be noticed?

Over time, these thoughts can affect your confidence and motivation.

You may experience:

• Self-doubt: Questioning your abilities even when you’re doing your job well.
• Frustration: Feeling that your hard work goes unnoticed.
• Isolation: Feeling excluded from certain groups or opportunities.
• Emotional exhaustion: Dreading shifts because of the workplace atmosphere.
• Loss of motivation: Feeling less enthusiastic about a job you once loved.

These feelings are understandable.

But here’s something worth remembering:

Being overlooked doesn’t automatically mean you’re not good at what you do.

Sometimes, the problem isn’t your ability. It’s the environment you’re working in.

And recognising that can help you stop blaming yourself for everything.

Why You Don’t Have to Play the Game

One of the hardest lessons to learn is that you cannot make everyone like you.

You can be hardworking, reliable, kind, and professional, and still not be someone’s favourite.

And that’s okay.

You don’t have to compete for everyone’s approval.

You don’t have to change your personality just to fit into a particular group.

And you don’t have to constantly prove your worth to people who refuse to recognise it.

What matters is that you continue developing your skills, treating your colleagues with respect, and providing safe patient care.

You can be an excellent nurse without being anyone’s favourite.

Choosing peace doesn’t mean giving up on your career or accepting unfair treatment.

It means learning where to put your energy and knowing when something deserves your attention.

How to Choose Peace Over OR Favoritism

Choosing peace is not about staying silent or pretending everything is fine.

It’s about protecting your well-being while handling difficult situations professionally.

Here are five ways to start.

1. Recognise What Is Happening

Sometimes, we try to convince ourselves that we’re overthinking things.

Maybe we’re just being sensitive.

Maybe it’s nothing.

But if you keep noticing the same patterns, it’s worth paying attention.

Ask yourself:

• Are opportunities being distributed fairly?
• Are expectations consistent for everyone?
• Is feedback based on performance?
• Are some colleagues repeatedly excluded without a clear reason?

Try to separate what you’ve observed from what you assume someone intends.

You don’t need to accuse anyone immediately.

Start by understanding the situation.

Recognising a problem is often the first step towards addressing it.

2. Stop Giving It All Your Energy

This is easier said than done.

When something feels unfair, it’s natural to think about it long after your shift ends.

You replay conversations.

You compare yourself with others.

You wonder why certain people seem to get everything so easily.

But constantly thinking about workplace favouritism can leave you emotionally drained.

You cannot control every decision your colleagues or managers make.

What you can control is how much space you allow those situations to occupy in your personal life.

Try to:

• Avoid getting involved in workplace gossip.
• Limit unnecessary comparisons with colleagues.
• Take your breaks when possible.
• Find a relaxing routine after difficult shifts.
• Spend time doing things that have nothing to do with work.

For me, choosing peace also means remembering that my life is bigger than the operating room.

Nursing is an important part of who I am, but it isn’t my entire identity.

You deserve to enjoy your life outside your shifts.

3. Find Your Own Support System

You don’t need to be part of the most popular group in the operating room.

Sometimes, having one or two supportive colleagues is more valuable than trying to fit in with everyone.

Find people who:

• Respect you and your work.
• Encourage you to improve.
• Celebrate your achievements.
• Give honest, constructive feedback.
• Make you feel comfortable being yourself.

Having supportive colleagues can make difficult shifts easier.

You can share experiences, ask for advice, and encourage one another without creating more negativity.

Just remember to keep conversations professional and respect patient and colleague confidentiality.

A healthy support system shouldn’t become another workplace clique.

It should help you grow.

4. Keep Records and Speak Up When Needed

Choosing peace doesn’t mean allowing unfair treatment to continue without question.

If favouritism is affecting your training, career development, workload, or patient safety, it may be time to raise your concerns.

Start by keeping accurate records of relevant situations.

For example:

• Training opportunities you’ve requested.
• Cases or competencies you’ve completed.
• Feedback you’ve received.
• Repeated differences in how opportunities are allocated.
• Specific incidents that have affected your work.

Keep your notes factual and confidential, following your workplace’s policies. Avoid recording identifiable patient information in personal notes.

If you feel comfortable, arrange a professional conversation with your manager.

Instead of making personal accusations, focus on fairness and development.

For example:

“I’ve noticed that I haven’t had many opportunities to participate in certain surgical cases. I’d really like to develop my skills in this area. Could we discuss how training opportunities are allocated?”

This keeps the conversation constructive.

If the issue continues, consider speaking with a senior manager, HR, a freedom to speak up guardian, or your union representative, depending on your workplace.

And if a situation creates a patient safety concern, use the appropriate reporting and escalation process.

Remember, speaking up respectfully is not being difficult.

Sometimes, it’s part of being a responsible professional.

5. Invest in Yourself Outside the OR

This is one of my favourite reminders.

Your career matters, but your happiness shouldn’t depend entirely on what happens at work.

There is so much more to life than shifts, surgical lists, and workplace politics.

Find something that makes you excited outside the operating room.

It could be:

• Starting a blog or sharing your nursing experiences.
• Creating videos or a podcast.
• Learning a new skill.
• Taking a course that supports your career goals.
• Travelling and exploring new places.
• Reading, exercising, or enjoying a creative hobby.
• Spending quality time with family and friends.

Personally, I believe having something of your own outside nursing can make a big difference.

It gives you something to look forward to.

Something that belongs to you.

And something that reminds you that your value doesn’t begin and end at work.

Don’t let workplace favouritism become the centre of your life.

You have your own goals, dreams, and future to build.

You Are Not Alone

If you’re dealing with favouritism in the operating room, I want you to remember something.

You are not weak for feeling hurt.

You are not being dramatic for wanting fairness.

And you are not less capable simply because someone else receives more attention or recognition.

It’s okay to feel frustrated.

It’s okay to have difficult days.

It’s okay to want a healthier workplace.

But don’t allow those experiences to make you forget why you became a nurse in the first place.

Your skills matter.

Your effort matters.

And the care you provide to your patients matters.

You don’t need to be everyone’s favourite to make a difference.

Sometimes, the strongest thing you can do is continue showing up professionally while also knowing when to speak up, set boundaries, or seek a better environment.

Final Thoughts: Protect Your Peace, but Never Lose Your Voice

Choosing peace over OR favouritism doesn’t mean accepting everything quietly.

It means knowing the difference between situations you can let go of and situations you need to address.

It means refusing to let unfair treatment define your confidence.

It means continuing to learn, grow, and become the nurse you want to be.

And most importantly, it means remembering that you deserve respect, whether you’re someone’s favourite or not.

Be professional. Keep learning. Set boundaries. Speak up when it matters. And never let workplace politics make you forget your worth.

Because at the end of the day, being a good nurse is not about being the favourite.

It’s about the care, integrity, and dedication you bring to your work.

And that is something worth being proud of.

Helpful Resources

If you’re struggling with workplace stress, unfair treatment, or confidence at work, these resources may help:

• NHS England – Freedom to Speak Up: Information about raising concerns and speaking up in NHS workplaces.
• Royal College of Nursing (RCN): Professional advice, workplace support, and guidance for nurses.
• ACAS: UK guidance on workplace problems, grievances, bullying, and fair treatment.

You can also explore more posts on my blog about managing stress, protecting your mental health, and finding balance as an operating room nurse.

Let’s Stay Connected!

If you enjoy reading about operating room nursing, work-life balance, wellness, and personal growth, I’d love for you to stay connected.

Subscribe to my email list for new blog posts, reflections, and helpful resources.

You can also subscribe to my YouTube channel, where I share relaxing visuals, peaceful moments, and wellness reflections.

And before you leave, I’d love to hear from you.

Have you ever experienced favouritism in the operating room or another workplace? How did you handle it?

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. Your experience might help another nurse who is going through something similar.

Remember, you don’t have to be the favourite to be valuable.

RESOURCES

FROM MY BLOG

• Under Pressure: Managing Stress and Mental Health in the OR

EXTERNAL LINK

• Favoritism at Work: 8 Signs, Examples, Solutions – Teamflect Blog: A practical guide to spotting favoritism and restoring fairness in team dynamics.
• Navigating Favoritism in the Workplace – Corporate Culture Institute: Explores the ethical, emotional, and legal implications of favoritism, with strategies for leadership and transparency.

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