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A Story of Learning to Stop Chasing Validation in the Operating Room
It started like any other day in the OR: bright surgical lights, the constant beeping of monitors, and the quiet, focused intensity that comes before every case.
And there I was — scrub nurse, standing ready.
But something inside felt different.
Not the instruments, not the routine — it was something deeper.
I realized how many shifts I’d spent trying so hard to be seen. Especially by my colleague — you know the type: praised for every small thing, always in the spotlight, even when others carried the weight.
Meanwhile, I was double-checking instruments, preparing the back table, and staying late to clean up — yet barely got a nod.
And it hurt.
When Effort Feels Invisible
I’d do everything right:
- Anticipate what the surgeon needed
- Prep the theatre ahead of time
- Step in calmly during emergencies
But still… silence.
Then my colleague? She’d show up late, skip steps, sometimes even slow us down — yet somehow, she was always thanked.
I caught myself thinking:
- “Maybe if I do more, they’ll finally notice.”
- “Should I speak louder in the handover?”
- “Maybe I’m just not good enough.”
I didn’t realize it then, but I was trapped in this cycle of trying to stop chasing validation… yet doing the opposite.
Why We Stop Chasing Validation From the Wrong People
It’s human to want to be seen. Especially in places like the OR, where stress runs high and teamwork matters.
But here’s what I’ve learned:
✅ Some people have already made up their minds.
✅ Some teams don’t give feedback equally.
✅ Sometimes, no matter what you do, it won’t change.
When you understand that, you can choose to stop chasing validation — and protect your mental health.
The Turning Point: A Quiet Shift
One afternoon, after a particularly tough case, my colleague made a loud comment about how “some people never keep up.”
My chest tightened.
But this time, instead of replaying it over and over, I caught myself thinking:
“Why am I trying to prove myself to someone who won’t see me anyway?”
And just like that, something shifted.
I made a quiet decision: to stop chasing validation from people who wouldn’t give it — and to start giving it to myself.
How I Started to Stop Chasing Validation
Here’s what helped me:
1️⃣ Focused on why I loved my work
Instead of doing tasks to impress, I reminded myself why I became a nurse.
2️⃣ Set tiny reminders
A note in my locker: “You don’t need their praise to do good work.”
3️⃣ Practiced gratitude
Not for them, but for the chance to help patients, to learn, and to be part of a team — even if it’s imperfect.
4️⃣ Gave myself credit
At the end of every shift, I’d list three things I did well.
Slowly, it helped me truly stop chasing validation.
A New Way of Showing Up
My next shift, nothing external changed.
Same colleague, same theatre, same workload.
But inside, it felt lighter.
I wasn’t glancing around for someone’s nod.
I wasn’t replaying their comments in my head.
Instead, I:
- Focused on patient safety
- Supported the circulating nurse
- Kept the back table organized
- Stayed calm when things got stressful
And at the end? I still didn’t get recognition.
But this time, it didn’t sting as deeply.
I had started to stop chasing validation — and it felt freeing.
What Happens When You Stop Chasing Validation
You don’t stop caring.
You still show up, help your team, and do your best.
But:
✅ You care less about who notices.
✅ You recover faster from criticism.
✅ You measure success by your standards, not theirs.
And bit by bit, your confidence builds — from inside.
Tips to Help You Stop Chasing Validation in the OR
Here are some practical steps:
- List what you control: You can’t force praise, but you can control your preparation and attitude.
- Journal wins daily: Even small ones — anticipate an instrument, calm a nervous patient.
- Find supportive allies: One colleague who sees your effort can make a difference.
- Limit negative self-talk: Notice when you’re seeking approval — gently redirect.
- Focus on patients, not people: At the heart of it, that’s why we’re here.
The goal isn’t to stop caring about your work — it’s to stop chasing validation that’s never coming.
Not Everyone Will See You — And That’s Okay
In the OR, it’s busy. Mistakes matter, but so do small wins.
Some people:
- Won’t notice your double-checking
- Won’t hear your quiet reminders
- Won’t value your calm presence
That doesn’t mean it’s worthless.
To truly stop chasing validation, remember:
- The right people already see you.
- Your impact is bigger than applause.
- Your worth isn’t set by someone else’s silence.
Why Stop Chasing Validation is About Self-Respect
It doesn’t mean becoming arrogant or uncaring.
It means:
✅ Protecting your mental health
✅ Valuing your effort, even when unseen
✅ Finding meaning beyond approval
It’s a shift from “Do they see me?” to “Did I do my best for my patients today?”
And that’s what matters.
Final Reflections from the OR
If you’re in a cycle of over-giving and under-recognition — I see you.
But you don’t have to stay there.
You can:
- Keep learning
- Show up with heart
- Help your team
- And stop chasing validation that drains your energy
In the end:
✅ The right mentors and colleagues will notice.
✅ Your patients will feel your care — even if they never say it.
✅ And you’ll notice your own growth.
And that, nurse, is enough.
Resources that might be helpful
What it’s like being a scrub nurse – My personal story
Nursing Times article on mental health for OR nurses
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