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This is the story of the time a surgeon made me cry — not because I was weak, but because I was human.
The Day Started Like Any Other
It was going to be a long operating list. Everyone knew it. The schedule was tight, the cases were complex, and we were all bracing for the pace and pressure that only the OR can deliver.
Normally, this particular surgeon worked with his favorite scrub nurse. It was an unspoken rule — they had worked together for years, and he trusted her without question.
But that day, the charge nurse decided it wasn’t fair to have her scrub for the entire list. She assigned me to take one of the cases.
I knew it was difficult.But It is not like I can say “no”.
Scrubbing In
I went through my routine:
- Checked the surgical set thoroughly.
- Prepared the instruments exactly as I had been taught.
- Reviewed the surgeon’s preferences in my head.
When I stepped up to scrub, I felt that mix of adrenaline and determination that every OR nurse knows. I just wanted to finish the list peacefully.
The Turning Point
From the moment we started, I could sense his mood. The surgeon made me cry later that day, but the seed was planted early — his sighs, the subtle impatience, the clipped tone.
I was retracting as instructed, but he didn’t seem satisfied.
“Not like that,” he said sharply.
A few minutes later: “You’re not holding it right.”
I adjusted. I tried harder. My hands ached from keeping the retraction steady. But every correction felt like another blow to my confidence.
When others Stepped In
Midway through the case, he asked for his usual scrub nurse to scrub in.
It was like the floor gave way beneath me. I stepped back, feeling every eye in the room on me. The moment I handed over the instruments, it felt like handing over my worth.
I stayed to assist, but inside I was crumbling. I told myself to hold it together until the end.
The End of the Case
As soon as the instruments were counted and the patient was transferred, I excused myself. I made it to the locker room before the tears came.
That was the moment the surgeon made me cry — not when he criticized me, not when he replaced me, but when the weight of it all finally landed.
It wasn’t just about being taken off the case. It was about feeling humiliated, stupid unseen, underestimated, and judged against someone who thinks that he far superior that everyone.
The Emotions I Felt
- Embarrassment – The switch happened in front of the entire team.
- Frustration – I knew I was doing my best.
- Self-doubt – Was I not skilled enough?
- Sadness – I wanted to make him see I was capable.
Why This Hurt More Than Usual
In the OR, feedback is part of the job. We get corrected all the time. But this was different.
- It felt personal, not just procedural.
- I wasn’t given space to adapt or recover.
- The comparison to his favorite nurse was unspoken but loud.
That’s why the surgeon made me cry — because it wasn’t just about technique, it was about being dismissed without a chance to prove myself.
The OR Is a High-Pressure World
People outside the OR don’t always understand:
- The surgeon’s preferences matter as much as the textbook technique.
- One mistake — or perceived mistake — can change the entire tone of the case.
- You’re constantly balancing speed, precision, and anticipation.
In that environment, confidence is fragile. One bad moment can make you question years of training.
What I Learned That Day
Looking back, the surgeon made me cry — but he also gave me an unexpected push toward growth. Here’s what I took away:
- It’s okay to not be the favorite. You can still do great work and earn respect in your own way.
- Criticism doesn’t define your worth. One difficult case doesn’t erase your skills.
- It’s better to process emotions than bury them. That cry was part of healing.
How I Rebuilt My Confidence
After that day, I didn’t avoid him. I actually scrubbed for him again. Here’s how I prepared:
- Reviewed his preferences from notes and colleagues.
- Practiced retraction techniques during quieter lists.
- Reminded myself that I was there because I was qualified.
The next time, things went smoother. Not perfect — but better. And that mattered more than being the favorite.
To Any Nurse Who’s Been There
If you’ve ever had a surgeon make you cry, I want you to know:
- You’re not alone.
- It doesn’t mean you’re not good at your job.
- Even the most experienced scrub nurses have bad days.
The OR is intense, but you are tougher than you think.
Why This Story Matters
I’m sharing this not to complain, but to validate every nurse who’s ever walked out of the OR holding back tears and who experience surgeon who made you cry
Because the truth is:
- We care deeply about doing our jobs well.
- We take pride in earning the trust of the team.
- We want to be seen as capable, reliable, and professional.
When that trust feels shaken, it hurts — even if no one else notices.
Final Thoughts
That day, the surgeon made me cry, but he didn’t break me.
I came back stronger, more prepared, and with a better understanding of myself as a nurse.
We may not always win everyone’s approval, but we can still stand tall in our skills, our integrity, and our resilience.
Because at the end of the day, one difficult shift does not define us — our persistence does.
Resources for Healing and Growth
FROM MY BLOG
EXTERNAL LINK
- Read my post on Coping with Stress in the Operating Room for strategies to handle tough days.
- Visit NHS dignity at work for guidance on workplace respect
- Join nursing forums like AllNurses.com for peer support and advice.
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